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Rainy Day Whack-a-Pole

CBT for When Summer Sun is in Short Supply

Summer is that glorious time of the year that is made for beaches, barbecues, fun in the sun, sand and surf–but what happens on those days when the sun’s not shining and the rain is pouring down?

If you’re anything like me or a few kinksters I know, you’ll curl up with a good book, movies, or binge on your favorite streaming site. This assignment merely gives the classic rainy day stand-by a CBT twist.

Buckle Up and Brace for Impact

You will need a hardback book, a remote control, and for you over achievers out there, a belt or metal slotted spatula.

  • With every chapter of the book that you read, I want you to slide your cock between the pages, close the book with one hand and use the remote control (or the belt, or the spatula) to give yourself a spanking that corresponds to the chapter number just read.
  • If binge watching videos are more your thing, I want you to play whack-a-pole in space between one episode ending and the next playing. Lay your cock over a desk, sideboard, coffee table, night stand or any reasonable flat surface, grab the remote control (or metal slotted spatula), and give your cock a sharp smack every time it twitches. If it does not twitch, give it ten smacks for being lazy.
  • If watching a movie or TV is your preference, give your ass (or balls) a smack with the remote control, belt, or spatula for every channel you click through until you find something you want to watch; or for every second it takes you to pick out a movie.

The day may be gray and raining…

–But I guarantee your cock and balls will be toasty warm in no time! Keep it kinky 🙂

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Sunshine CBT

CBT Arts and Crafts

Summer is the perfect time to experience a form of seasonal CBT that is absolutely diabolical. If you chose to attempt it, you will need a moderate to high level of pain tolerance, and a willingness to suffer for a week or more. You will also need lemon juice, a small container, paintbrush, a sunny day, and up to two hours of complete privacy or a clothing optional facility.

Dick Designs for the Kinky Guy

Pour the lemon juice into the small container, dip the paintbrush in and then draw designs up and down your dick. You can even paint words. Depending on your complexion, skin sensitivity, and the strength of the sunlight and lemon juice, you may start to see welts appearing in as little as thirty minutes. I would not recommend more than two hours of exposure. The actual process is fairly painless–it’s the aftermath that burns.

Highlighting Your Hard-on

Lemon juice reacts with sunlight; it’s been used to lighten hair for ages–always with the caveat to never get it on your skin, unless you want a reddened face to go along with your brightened hairline. We’re taking advantage of that reaction when it comes to painting designs on your dick. Make sure that you have applied sunscreen to the remainder of your body and if at any time the sunlight or the welts are too intense, go inside, rinse off with lukewarm water and avoid further sun exposure to your delicate bits for at least a week.

The welts from your CBT arts and crafts will decorate your dick for as long as a typical sunburn. They will sting, ache, and cause increased sensitivity that will ramp up with exposure to hot water, touch, or friction from something as simple as sitting down or walking (or wanking). Partnered sex is going to feel somewhat like…dipping your dick into a lake of fire, or deep fryer. If you have a partner, it would be best to discuss this before attempting the assignment to avoid awkward explanations when they see your sunshine souvenir, or wonder why sex suddenly seems to make you cry (or just avoid this particular CBT activity altogether).

For some additional Summertime CBT fun…

Take a clean grill brush and scour your cock and balls, then beat them with a pair of barbecue tongs 😉 Have fun!

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Breaking Down Barriers: BDSM is more than Stereotypes, Part 2

Yet another comically bad stereotype: BDSM practitioners are all damaged people seeking out other damaged people.

People from happy, healthy upbringings and those with more difficult origins are all involved in BDSM. People from every walk of life & every background can be found in BDSM. Everyone is welcome. It’s one of the most diverse cross-sections of humanity you can imagine, and because of that, yes–some practitioners had rough experiences along the way, and others haven’t.

BDSM is not a haven for the broken, and it’s not an elitist club for only those who’ve led charmed lives–it is a lifestyle and play outlet for consenting adults; regardless of our varied experiences.

As for why we do this?

I honestly believe it’s because we’re born this way. Just like some of us are born straight, gay, bi, ect…. BDSM fulfills a need, a want, a desire, and compulsion that NOTHING else can. It can also provide structure, catharsis, liberation, discipline, inspiration, peace, and euphoria, among other things. Dom/mes and subs are two halves of the same coin, and we are all seeking the other half to unleash our full potential. It doesn’t necessarily have to be in a romantic or soulmate sense (though some of the luckiest among us have found that). Together, we bring out aspects of ourselves we may not be able to share with others; liberate ourselves from the pressure of what we think society wants us to be and are instead who we truly are; and can bring out the best in each other.

Something else you’re probably not seeing that often in the stereotype tidal waves of tumblr & the twitterverse?

The backbone of BSDM is Trust, Respect, and Communication. The uber aggressive Male Dom and his ultra masochistic female sub is a tiny, miniscule, itty bitty blip on a much larger spectrum and continuum of kinks and their participants. It’s far broader, more inclusive, and more dynamic than you could ever hope to know from the outside looking in–so why not join the party? 😉


 

Breaking Down Barriers: BDSM is more than Stereotypes, Part 1

Not All Doms are men, not all subs are female, and not all Dominatrices wear leather & latex.

Femdom Mistress LillyIf you’ve found my blog, you’ve already got a leg up on awareness of other dynamics in BDSM. True, most of the stuff you’ll find online features male doms & female subs, but BDSM is far more inclusive than you might initially think. Anyone, regardless of gender identity, sexuality, ethnicity, ect… is welcome, and individuals of any persuasion or inclination can be found on either side of the whip (or the kneel). A Dominatrix could be every bit as likely to wear a crop top & capris as full-on fetish gear, or even fuzzy bunny slippers if the mood strikes. A lot of the beauty in BDSM is the freedom to express yourself how you want, whether that’s defying traditional gender roles, embracing them, or having a fluid dynamic that shifts with the mood of the participants involved.

Another stereotype that is Absolute crap? Submission = Weakness

Not all male Doms are brutal, and not all female Dommes are sweet (ha!)—but the one thing that’s NEVER true: ‘submissives are weak’. Say that out loud at a BDSM gathering, and if you manage to leave without the Dom/mes verbally (or otherwise) flaying you limb from limb, it’s only because the subs have beaten them to it.

Submissives are incredibly strong, and incredibly selective. For my subbies reading this who’ve yet to consciously acknowledge their strength, consider this: It takes an immense amount of courage to place yourself into the care of another human being, to voluntarily surrender, and to trust your partner not only with your safety, but with your mind, body, and your most private wants and desires. Submissives choose who to grace with their service, and what they’re willing to explore. Dom/mes operate within those limits, and the submissive can end the scene at any time.

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Are Safewords Absolute? Even For a Sadist?

Listening to Safewords is NOT optional. It’s mandatory.

Some background— a submissive was looking for advice. I felt this issue is important enough to warrant signal boosting for anyone who might be in a similar situation, so I’m sharing my response here.  They are having an issue with a Dom who has recently started ignoring safewords. Their Dom is sadistic, and when the sub brought up the fact that they are getting hurt, suffering panic attacks, and having massive depression as a result of being pushed to the point of using the safeword—AND THE DOM KEPT GOING— the Dom said, “I’m a sadist, it’s just what we do.”

Bullshit.

Speaking as a Domme who IS a sadist:

Hell yes, I love inflicting pain and agony–but a safeword is a fucking safeword. I never ignore it, and NEVER push a sub beyond it. I don’t give a shit that there might be a part of me that wants to keep going– the person who trusts me, and put their life and safety in my hands is telling me they’ve had enough.

As someone who has helped put subs back together again after abusive relationships, the ‘Dom’s’ behavior is sending up multiple indicators of a toxic & abusive relationship.

From what the sub said, here are the red flags that stuck out the most:

1. He was possibly always upfront about being a sadistic Dom, but ignoring safewords is new.

2. He waited until the sub was emotionally & physically invested in the relationship BEFORE piling on the abuse.

3. He ignores the sub’s SAFEWORD. This has ZERO place in kink. Ever. I don’t give a shit if he’s the most sadistic sadist who ever tried the Lifestyle, sadists are not exempt from safewords. It is not what we do.

4. He has continued abusing the sub after they safeword to the point they have panic attacks & extreme depression for days—meaning he literally does not care if they live or die. Aftercare is not a remedy for pushing someone until they break–and that ‘Dom’ has done it again, and again, and again.

5. He had a ready excuse & gaslighting available when they called him on his behavior— essentially: “This is who I’ve always been, you’re the one with the problem.” Subtext: he isn’t doing anything wrong; they’re the one that’s behaving badly by not being sub enough to take what their Dom dishes out. Fuck that deflecting douche-baggery with a tequila-drenched cactus dildo wrapped in rusted barbwire.

This tells me his behavior isn’t an accident. It’s intentional, and it’s deliberate.

He is an abuser who gave them the honeymoon phase and set them up for the fall–and they were smart enough to realize something isn’t right. He’s now trying to blame them for his behavior, make it seem like it’s somehow their fault, or their inadequacies, when the truth is: He’s an ABUSIVE asshole who isn’t fit to Dom a fencepost, let alone a human being. If you are in a situation like that one, I’ll give you the same advice I gave that sub:

Do not fall for it, do not believe it, and get the hell out. Please.

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The Danger of Having “No Limits” Part 2

“No limits” is a dangerous phrase for anyone to use.

(Catch up on Part 1 here) If you come across a Dominant who says they have no limits; or worse, they’re looking for a sub with no limits– RUN the other way. This is frequently language that predatory abusers use when prowling . . . → Read More: The Danger of Having “No Limits” Part 2


 

The Danger of Having “No Limits”, Part 1

There are some things I dread hearing as a Mistress.

One of the biggest ones is a submissive eagerly telling me “I have no limits.” This is literally one of the most dangerous things anyone who’s into BDSM can say, and why I strongly discourage anyone from saying it. I’m not sure . . . → Read More: The Danger of Having “No Limits”, Part 1


 

Not All Safewords are Verbal: A PSA by Mistress Lilly

Safewords are vitally important to a scene, but they’re not always said out loud.

For many submissives, bottoms, Tops, and Dom/mes, the stoplight system of “Green” = everything’s good, “Yellow” = proceed with caution & slow down, you’re approaching a limit, and “Red” = whatever you’re doing, STOP NOW! works great. I’m . . . → Read More: Not All Safewords are Verbal: A PSA by Mistress Lilly


 

New Year, New Adventures

My trip to Australia was mind-blowing, unforgettable, epic, and I’ll be giving more details in the weeks to come—but right now, I want to share a little bit about what’s been keeping this particular Femdom preoccupied recently:

Naughty and Nice and a Whole Lotta Spice…

I’ve got incredible news for . . . → Read More: New Year, New Adventures


 

Mistress Lilly Loves CBT

There are few things I adore more than a good ball-busting session.

The whimpers and groans of pain, the convulsive racking of your body as you choke back bile from a particularly well-placed blow, the stifled, gagging sobs as you struggle not to collapse in a shuddering heap while your groin is . . . → Read More: Mistress Lilly Loves CBT