Not All Doms are men, not all subs are female, and not all Dominatrices wear leather & latex.
If you’ve found my blog, you’ve already got a leg up on awareness of other dynamics in BDSM. True, most of the stuff you’ll find online features male doms & female subs, but BDSM is far more inclusive than you might initially think. Anyone, regardless of gender identity, sexuality, ethnicity, ect… is welcome, and individuals of any persuasion or inclination can be found on either side of the whip (or the kneel). A Dominatrix could be every bit as likely to wear a crop top & capris as full-on fetish gear, or even fuzzy bunny slippers if the mood strikes. A lot of the beauty in BDSM is the freedom to express yourself how you want, whether that’s defying traditional gender roles, embracing them, or having a fluid dynamic that shifts with the mood of the participants involved.
Another stereotype that is Absolute crap? Submission = Weakness
Not all male Doms are brutal, and not all female Dommes are sweet (ha!)—but the one thing that’s NEVER true: ‘submissives are weak’. Say that out loud at a BDSM gathering, and if you manage to leave without the Dom/mes verbally (or otherwise) flaying you limb from limb, it’s only because the subs have beaten them to it.
Submissives are incredibly strong, and incredibly selective. For my subbies reading this who’ve yet to consciously acknowledge their strength, consider this: It takes an immense amount of courage to place yourself into the care of another human being, to voluntarily surrender, and to trust your partner not only with your safety, but with your mind, body, and your most private wants and desires. Submissives choose who to grace with their service, and what they’re willing to explore. Dom/mes operate within those limits, and the submissive can end the scene at any time.
Most of my experiences with dominant females has been with “regular” women and not with rubber or latex but more just women dressed as women do. For me submissiveness is deep and “in me” it is not a play choice. I first noticed it when a woman spoke “strictly” to me but have felt it a thousand times since. If a woman speaks with total authority (such as “that is not what we are doing”, “I told you to do that”, “Do I have to ask twice”?) as if they are totally in charge it connects with the deepest parts of me. It connects to a deep deep need. I become totally oriented toward her and she feels much more important than I do and that feels right.