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Breaking Down Barriers: BDSM is more than Stereotypes, Part 2

Yet another comically bad stereotype: BDSM practitioners are all damaged people seeking out other damaged people.

People from happy, healthy upbringings and those with more difficult origins are all involved in BDSM. People from every walk of life & every background can be found in BDSM. Everyone is welcome. It’s one of the most diverse cross-sections of humanity you can imagine, and because of that, yes–some practitioners had rough experiences along the way, and others haven’t.

BDSM is not a haven for the broken, and it’s not an elitist club for only those who’ve led charmed lives–it is a lifestyle and play outlet for consenting adults; regardless of our varied experiences.

As for why we do this?

I honestly believe it’s because we’re born this way. Just like some of us are born straight, gay, bi, ect…. BDSM fulfills a need, a want, a desire, and compulsion that NOTHING else can. It can also provide structure, catharsis, liberation, discipline, inspiration, peace, and euphoria, among other things. Dom/mes and subs are two halves of the same coin, and we are all seeking the other half to unleash our full potential. It doesn’t necessarily have to be in a romantic or soulmate sense (though some of the luckiest among us have found that). Together, we bring out aspects of ourselves we may not be able to share with others; liberate ourselves from the pressure of what we think society wants us to be and are instead who we truly are; and can bring out the best in each other.

Something else you’re probably not seeing that often in the stereotype tidal waves of tumblr & the twitterverse?

The backbone of BSDM is Trust, Respect, and Communication. The uber aggressive Male Dom and his ultra masochistic female sub is a tiny, miniscule, itty bitty blip on a much larger spectrum and continuum of kinks and their participants. It’s far broader, more inclusive, and more dynamic than you could ever hope to know from the outside looking in–so why not join the party? 😉

5 comments to Breaking Down Barriers: BDSM is more than Stereotypes, Part 2

  • I’m with you! I think that BDSM can be very healthy if there is a mutual respect and understanding. I think that BDSM is a preference. It’s kinky. And yes, I think being born to serve or to be in control comes quite natural. I loved this post! Thank you for shedding light on it for your readers.

  • Michael

    I know for me being and feeling submissive with females is both how I was born and how I was raised but mostly how I was born. It is “in me”. I can recall still the first few times a female just took a firm tone of voice with me – it cut me to the bone. I felt something I could not believe and I was completely oriented toward her and had a deep need of her. I know I could never tell most the people I know that I get thrilled if I have the opportunity to clean a woman’s house or run errands for a woman at the office. I wish I could do these things all the time but here and there has to suffice.

  • Empress:

    I, Sissy Slut Jizzelle am proud to be your owned submissive and I wish to tell everyone the last two years of being your personal property have been the most fabulous in my life. I am so fortunate that you understand and cultivate my feminine side. Thanks to you I have been transformed and I like the result you have achieved with me. I promised to forever be your sissy slut whore that can never get enough hot hard young studs. Thank you for your guidance and support.

    Your Cock Starved Slut,

    Jizzelle

  • Bravo for this post. I get really tired of people thinking that those in the lifestyle have to have something wrong with them to be a part of the BDSM community. While everyone has their struggles, some people just enjoy exploring and getting something they are not getting from other aspects of their lives. And it is all about respect and communicating with your partner/sub/Domme.

  • Number 17

    I do not deny that I am what some people would consider “damaged”. I think the first step to healing is acknowledging it, but being “damaged” is not why I enjoy power play. Some may try to use me as an example but I’m a math nerd, and one of the first things I learned in Probability and Sadistics was that that correlation != cause and effect.

    Those who would look down on someone for being “damaged” have a serious problem of their own, they fail to see that every person is unique with their own experiences and all have value. They damage themselves and others.

    With kink power play, I am playing with someone who does understand me and values me as a person, a human being, regardless of whether or not I have some emotional issues. It’s a role play, and whether I am on the bottom (my preference) or on top (which I do from time to time) it is a role play done for the mutual benefit of both parties.

    There are damaged people who are taken advantage of – so-called “battered wife syndrome” for example – but that’s not true BDSM and true BDSM, as that is not done within a role play. With BDSM the real goal of both parties is to express themselves and explore themselves with fun and flair with a partner they trust.

    I do this kind of play because it is fun. There is nothing unhealthy about that.

    I’ve always been attracted to strong women, ever since I was too young to mention. They heal me, make me feel good about myself. They really do. Accepting that it wasn’t “sin” was mentally the best thing for myself that I ever did.

    Yes Lilly, having my crawl on the floor like vermin is fun for me and yes, it does make me feel good about myself.

    Those who don’t understand how it could be fun, try a session with Lilly and tell her you want to explore it. Maybe you won’t like it and that’s fine. Several things I’ve explored I do not like, so they aren’t done again. But maybe you will find you love it, and if you do love it, don’t believe it is because you are “damaged” – instead, just roll with it and have fun 🙂

    Thank you Lilly, your recent blog posts – including this one, safe words, etc. is all very important stuff.

    I predict you as a guest on Harper’s whore school show 😉

    (was that subtle enough?)

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