“No limits” is a dangerous phrase for anyone to use.
(Catch up on Part 1 here) If you come across a Dominant who says they have no limits; or worse, they’re looking for a sub with no limits– RUN the other way. This is frequently language that predatory abusers use when prowling for new and inexperienced victims under the guise of BDSM…but they have no respect for the sub in question, and less regard for their safety. A sub who blithely declares “I have no limits” will likely encounter more than a few of these psuedo Dom/mes trying to take advantage of a situation. Don’t be that sub. Put some thought into the things you like, the things you might like to experiment with, and the things you know you NEVER want to try.
Having limits & Knowing what they are is VITAL to having the best experience in BDSM.
Not every Dom/me will be a good fit for every submissive, just as not every submissive is a good fit for every Dom/me. However, knowing what kinks you have in common, letting your Dominant know which kinks you might be willing to try, and which ones you know you will NEVER want to attempt gives a much better framework for guiding you on your journey as a submissive. Used along with safewords, that knowledge gives your Dominant an idea of how best to play with you and make the most of your gift of submission, without taking things in a direction you never intended, and never wanted to go.
Don’t tell me you have no limits & expect a gold star.
Tell me what they are, and I’ll be much more impressed. Knowing your limits shows me you have enough regard in yourself to realize your own worth (and there’s no value in owning something that’s worthless), that you’ve put some thought into it, and it gives me a better idea of how best to play with you & use you. In short: Limits rock; never be afraid of having them or saying what they are.
Thank you Ms. Lily for these wonderful posts. As a sub I always want to please my Mistress but I cannot do that if I don’t give her a good idea of what I do and do not like. I have thought I wanted to try things and when we actually went to I couldn’t go through with it. Ms. Catherine couldn’t have been more understanding and supportive as I think any real Mistress would. It actually brought me closer to her.
The thought of no limits is (or should be) quite scary to anybody. Luckily for us, LDW has the best Mistresses ever so we’re in capable and understanding hands.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must go cause some trouble so Ms. Catherine doesn’t get complacent. 🙂
Thanks, Lilly. You said it best. Not every submissive and Dominant are meant to be a match. It may not be what people want to hear, but it’s the raw truth. Just as with any relationship, trust, openness, and respect are the cornerstones of a proper foundation. So please do the world of BDSM a good turn by knowing yourself and not being afraid to hold out for the right partner in kink.