It’s not Easy Being “Different”
Ms. Constance wrote an amazing blog discussing Transgendered individuals and some of the issues they face, and I applaud it. I’ve actually missed the media circus surrounding Ms. Jenner, but I haven’t missed the misdirected rage, fear, and hatred that some transgendered individuals face. It is not a choice–it is an intensely personal absolute fact, and coming to terms with it can be devastating. Individuals in alternative lifestyles face a number of hard choices and consequences when it comes to exploring their identity, and the backlash from the conservative vanilla community can be severe, even violent.
The Importance of a Safe Haven
One of the most damaging things you can do if you’re struggling with issues of gender, identity, sexuality, and/or orientation, is to isolate yourself. To feel that you’re alone. Somehow inherently bad, unlovable, or unworthy of it. You’re not. We’re all misfits in some way, and there is always, ALWAYS someone you can reach out to. Whether that person is an anonymous voice on the other end of a helpline, a trusted friend or family member, or someone like me, never forget there is someone there to listen–a safe haven, you just have to find it.
A Mistress’ Perspective
I enjoy the company of those with alternative lifestyles, gender identities and sexuality; and respect the struggle and effort it takes to come to terms with who you really are, and who you’re meant to be—especially when that identity conflicts with the vanilla community at large.
As an individual, I struggled with being a sadist, a Dominant, and a bisexual woman coming from a highly conservative background in the Bible Belt. BDSM became my safe haven; a realm where I could simply be me, and be appreciated for who I am. As a Mistress, one of my favorite things to do is provide a submissive with that safe haven and the freedom to be who they ARE, and explore the things that make them unique.
No matter how you choose to explore your identity and your kinks, never forget that you are not alone, that you matter, and that there are people out there capable of accepting you and appreciating you for who you truly are; not merely who you think you ‘need’ to be.
Dear Ms. Lilly,
Your post was exceptionally thoughtful and well written. i struggled for years with my Catholic guilt about my submissive kinky desires. i’ve tried to supress them, only to have them come raging back stronger than ever. In the general media people of the BDSM community are a subject of ridicule, if not defined as perverts. i didn’t ask for these kinky desires. i was born with them. They’re a part of my DNA. It’s been a struggle to accept myself. i applaud You and all the Ladies of LDW. For succeeding in the struggle to accept Yourselves. For Your kindness, open minds, acceptance, and support of others. For the service that all of You provide. i’m new here, doing my homework, reading through all of the blogs, trying to find a compatible Mistress. (Which is downright overwhelming.) But i must say that i’m blown away by the intelligence, compassion, and camaraderie i see here. Hat’s off to all of You!
Sincerely,
jagoff
Thank you very much for the compliments Jagoff; and I wish you the of luck on your journey of self-acceptance and finding the perfect Mistress–who knows? Maybe we’ll be able to talk soon 🙂
Like you, I missed (deliberately on my part) much of the media circus surrounding Ms Jenner’s recent “coming out” but I’ve known many transgendered people over the years and feel fortunate to have grown up in a society a little more accepting of them than the one Ms Jenner lives in. Even so, it takes great courage to seek and then accept one’s true self. Ms Lilly, I like what you say about having a safe haven, a safe place to talk freely and I know you provide that to many of your callers.
Thank you for the compliment Ms. Catherine, and I know that your callers find a safe haven with you as well 🙂
This is such a great blog post Ms Lilly! I just looked at the blog comments for the blog by Ms Constance: do you like humiliation blogs. And then I pop over to your blog and find this beautifully put blog post. I think part of finding where I ‘fit’ in the world and getting comfortable with my own sense of sexual self was to find a place where there is a bit of play with all these sorts of heavy issues. That is part of what kink, Femdom and naughty sex is …. a very adult playground to explore and yes, as you said, a place to reach out to others. Thanks for this blog!
My pleasure Ms. Olivia, and thanks for stopping by! I agree–kink, Femdom, and naughty sex is definitely an adult playground, and a wonderful way explore and connect with others; it’s just a matter of finding a way to do so safely (Luckily, the LDW empire and the Ladies here take the guesswork out of it, and put a lot of fun into it 😉 )