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The Danger of Having “No Limits”, Part 1

There are some things I dread hearing as a Mistress.

One of the biggest ones is a submissive eagerly telling me “I have no limits.” This is literally one of the most dangerous things anyone who’s into BDSM can say, and why I strongly discourage anyone from saying it. I’m not sure where the perception of saying “I have no limits” as though it’s a good thing, a badge of honor, or a mark in your favor for consideration in serving a Dominant comes from, but please, please, for the love of all that’s safe, sane, and consensual: STOP.

EVERYONE has limits.

Some aren’t into pain, some aren’t into humiliation, orientation play, bondage, CBT, or extreme activities–but the point is: EVERYONE has something they’re not into, and everyone has something they will never enjoy. You wouldn’t jump off a cliff, starve yourself for a week, or commit a violent crime just because someone told you to–or if you would, you seriously need to re-examine your self-worth, respect, and esteem.

A sissy who goes into raptures at the thought of being my cosseted little fuck doll with all the pinafores, stuffies, and cum out parties her holes can handle might bolt fast enough for her Mary Janes to kick her little pantied ass on the way out if I suggested zapping her with a cattle prod, scouring her clitty with steel wool, dousing it in salt and rubbing alcohol, then stomping on it with my stainless steel spike heeled stilettos. An extreme CBT addict might nearly cum at the thought of that much agony, but if I told him there wouldn’t be any pain today–just ribbons and petticoats & tea parties while I sang him a lullaby and called him a good girl, he’d pack up his cattle prod and steel toed boots  and march off to find a sadist that knew what to do with masochistic man who wasn’t into feminization.

The point is: everyone has their kinks, and the things that leave them cold.

Everyone has things that make them excited and send a tidal wave of desire, anticipation, and adrenaline racing through their  veins–just like everyone has things they’d just as soon never experience due to distaste, fear, absolute disinterest, or any number of other reasons. NO ONE has the right to tell you your limits aren’t valid, or that having limits somehow makes you “less” of a submissive than one who either doesn’t know any better, or doesn’t value themselves highly enough to have them.  It’s your body, your choice, and only YOU get to decide what is done to it, who gets to use it, and how.

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5 comments to The Danger of Having “No Limits”, Part 1

  • Lilly

    Thank you Ladies for stopping by 🙂

    Ms. Olivia, I agree– when a sub lets ego and stupidity supersede actually serving a Mistress, and tries to “TOP” a Dom/me in that fashion, it’s not fun, not sexy, and not even consensual power exchange— it’s dangerous, and it’s abusive. Also, uncommunicative submissives are NOT submissives that I consider fitting additions to my service either.

    Ms. Ericka, I couldn’t resist a bit of a wicked grin when I found out that you also like to suggest something extreme or bizarre to get a ‘no limits’ submissive to consider what it actually is that they’re saying, and perhaps reconsider. I think many times it is simple naivete, and they just don’t know any better—but opening their eyes to what ‘no limits’ might actually entail helps enlighten them pretty quickly.

    Ms. Rayne, you’re right: no matter how finely tuned our professional intuition, it is NOT a substitute for ESP. We cannot read minds, and it it important to communicate to avoid misunderstandings.

  • Empress Rayne

    This is an excellent post Ms Lilly! It is so important to consider what your limits would be and be ready to confidently state them when asked. It not only protects you from the dangers of experiences that may be unsafe for you, it also prevents Mistress from having to play mind reader. While we ladies of LDW have great instincts, we can’t predict everything you will and won’t want.

  • Ms Lilly,

    Of course you are spot on! I don’t know where folks get the notion the epitome of submissiveness requires no restrictions. Now, that’s not to say during session we don’t push or explore those grey lines between what you find erotic and what you don’t or haven’t experienced yet. But I am assuming those types of utterances “I have no limits” may come from a place of naivete. I sometimes delight in responses from those who assert such things. Like yo,u I may throw out something outrageous just to test them. Your example above, introducing CBT to a tea party sissy for instance. It has them um-ing and uh-ing until I laugh and insist: See you do have limits! It’s all good, though. It’s all good.

  • OH and let me add …. the person who says, “I have no limits” and then refuses to let Mistress learn about and guide him/her to safe words and limits is an UNSAFE play partner. It is, in my opinion, the sign of either an amateur or an un fun submissive … neither of whom floats my Mistress boat.

  • Damn RIGHT Ms Lilly. I was at a fetish convention one time … in a workshop about pain play and submission. There was a female Domme who brought her male submissive in as the “object” of the workshop example. There was also a female submissive who was unattached as a Dominant. The girl sub said her limits when asked and agreed to use safe words with the Dom. The male sub wanted to “impress” his Mistress because he kept saying, no limits, no limits and then when the Dom kept ratcheting up the pain play he REFUSED to safe word out. His Domme (who was also a nurse) put on fingertip oximeters on his fingers and let the play continue. SHE finally stopped the play — I won’t go into the things that the Dom did to the sub, suffice to say it was EXTREME. He sub was “so proud” that he didn’t safe word out. BUT as one of the audience it was not fun or sexy to watch. It actually became a power battle between the Dom and the sub — one that was stopped by the Mistress because of health danger to the sub. NOT SEXY. NOT FUN. AND, this was NOT power exchange for fun and frolic … the sub was trying to “TOP” the Dom ….. not not not ANY kind of fun. I heard him talking to other subs later saying how proud he was that he could “take more” than the Dom could dish out. Okay, that kind of stupidity and pride might provide some level of satisfaction … but it’s not SSC or RACK play because at that level it’s not even consensual for the Dom — it stopped being fun for him and he continued past the fun part. LATER I heard that what the sub actually did was cause the Domme to think of him differently and eventually drop him as her slave / sub / pet because he wouldn’t play sane and safe. Valuable lesson for him and he lost a really smart Mistress.

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